June 29, 2003
Going in Stages
Sommer
in the Summer
During
the summer months ahead, I’m offering a chance to get together
in parishioner’s homes to get to know people better and to talk
about whatever issues or questions people have about life, God, the
church, etc.
I’ve been doing this for 20 years and I’ve gotten to know
some really wonderful people and I’ve eaten some really great desserts.
If you’re interested, talk to your friends about when they can
get together and then give me a call or e-mail me to set a date. This
usally works best with around a dozen people. It could be a group of
your neighbors or senior citizens or a group of young people or families
with kids or... you decide.
Then make dessert!
Want
to e-mail Father Ralph?
Past Columns:
June 22: Sommer in the Summer
June 15: Our Newest Priest
Ordained
June 8: The Feast of Pentecost
June 1: Beyond First Communion
May 24: Felicidades Manuel
May 18: Twenty Years Later
May 11: Bows for Peace
May 4: Upcoming Ordinations
April 27: One Heart One
Mind
April 20: Amazingly Graced
Days
April 13: Ashes to Palms
April 6:
God Embedded
March 30:
Pastoral Visits
March 23:
Turning Tables
March
16: Transfiguring Imagination
March
9: Beasts and Angels
March 2:
Lent and Imagination
Feb 23: Sorrow
Far and Wide
Feb 16: Saints
Feb 9: Columbia Lessons
Feb2: Giving At A Difficult
Time
Jan 26: Penny Power
& Catholic Schools
Jan19: Yet Another
Year
Jan 12: Stealing Jesus
Jan5: The Wise Still Come
From Afar
Columns from 2002
I recentlywas at a workshop where there
was a presentation on people’s reaction to loss. I really listened
carefully at that point because this past week Father Jim left St. Brigid’s
and dozens of priests throughout the diocese moved to new parishes. Countless
folks will be missing their priests. (We’re among the luckier parishes
‘cause we’re getting a new priest -- quite a few parishes are
not getting any replacements.)
The presenter said that while many people
are familiar with the Kubler-Ross stages of dying (Denial, Bargaining,
Anger, Depression, Acceptance) there are other kinds of processes that
can go on, especially when people don’t have a say in the change
or loss in their lives.
For example, suppose a family decides to
move its daughter or son from a school the child is happy in. The child
goes through a variety of stages:
(a) Protest: “I am NOT going to a new school. I can’t believe
you’re making me do this. It’s not fair!!!”
(b) Despair: “I’ll never have friends again; my new teacher
will be terrible; I’ll miss everyone in my old school.”
(c) Detatch: This is the dangerous stage. The child may look like he/she
has adjusted to the new school. They go through the motions of going to
school, doing homework, etc. but they really have given up trying to have
a relationship with other kids; he/she refuses to be open to the gifts
of the new teacher, etc. There is a “shut down” that happens
in the emotions and in the child’s participation, not only in school,
but in his/her own life.
Well that can happen in parishes too. Someone
loses a priest he/she felt connected to, one who lead that person to God.
And then he’s gone. People want to protest ("We’ll write
to the bishop....”) People start to despair ("There goes the
parish -- it will never be as good as it was....”) And people can
detatch. They might still come to mass (or not). They shut down emotionally,
they stop being as involved as they were, people don’t see them as
often -- and they’re missed.
It’s important to note in this theory
that the detatchment often has nothing to do with a new teacher (or pastor
or priest or any other staff member). It’s the way individuals react
to change or loss. To get past the detatchment it’s important to
notice what’s happening inside-- and then to deliberately make the
choice to stay attached. Each person in a parish is a gift to others that
Jesus wants to give. Staying part of the active life of a parish is allowing
Jesus to give that gift.
You are Person
